Laughter that Can't be Captured in DNA

So my older (like way older) brother Martin, calls me up to say that he sent a DNA sample swab away for testing and he knows for certain that 'our' father Jack, was really NOT his father.  Now that piece of 67 year old news has many, many heavy family consequences OR would have if it were not for the following facts:

• Father Jack was a terrible example as a parent.   He abandon our Mom with 3 small kids, never paid child support, although he did always make a good living as a Jeweler.  All of us are doting parents and kinda feel sorry for the guy - now that he's dead anyway.
• We have all lived much of our lives successfully, to one degree or another, with adult children of our own who share that success, to one degree or another, and all doing pretty well.
• Our poor Mom is kinda played out in a nursing home with many of her facilities gone and she clings to dear life without really being aware of it.  News of her supposed youthful 'infidelities' would not send her into any sort of indignation, as life has already handed her much more serious indignities to cope with. 
• My 'baby' sister Sue (two year's younger) and I look a lot like our father Jack, so we saved on DBA swabs and postage.  Ancestry genetics just don't hold the fascination they do for our older brother. (What difference does it make if you gotta make the best of what you got?)  And besides, we can't stop howling long enough to do anything.  After all these years, to find out it really WAS the milkman (as my brother now believes) well, there are no words to describe it.  

But the consequences of this are exceedingly grave indeed, as brother Martin points out.  Something about tracing your roots back to pre-historic man and Neanderthal like characteristics.  Well clearly, my big brother always did have the jump on me intellectually (I was more the brutish type) and now I know why. 

There are lots more consequences that can be read into this with more research*and I'm sure the analysis is of some limited historic value.  I don't see it, but gauging from the growth of the genetic information industry, I'm in a minority.  

What fascinates me about the whole business is the potential material this creates for movie script, stand up comedy and 'reality' TV is enormous.   Like playing back a particularly lurid episode from the Jerry Springer Show only you're in the guest seat - kinda after the fact.  (In our case it would be more like the Morey Povich Show, 'cause after all, Morey IS from South Philly.) I've got to find me a video camera that captures the past before I can catch that episode!

 *But while the proportion of one’s inheritance from parents is fixed by exact necessity, the fraction from grandparents is governed by chance. For each of the chromosomes you inherit from a given parent, you have a 50 percent chance of gaining a copy from your grandfather and a 50 percent chance of gaining a copy from your grandmother.

San Pedro on a Bike: Disney World for Broke Folk

Now that a day trip to Disney in Anaheim can cost a family of 4 over $ 125 dollars, you might want to plan a bike visit to LA's port town, San Pedro where everything is free or less than 5 bucks.  Here is a trip into LA's past that no-one but the locals know about.  San Pedro reminds me of San Francisco in the 70's before it got yuppified.  One bed-room rents are still less than $ 750 close to the water and the neon signs are from the 50's when folks didn't know images of an American Indian with exaggerated features just aren't P.C.

I mean to say that San Pedro still hasn't been 'done' -  re-invented, revitalized or gentrified.  Its like it always was ONLY now you can bike it with ease because they built a bike path that goes from the Cruise Ship port at the base of the City all the way around to Cabrillo Beach.  Here's a map that shows what all you can see in a one day visit complements of www.sanpedro.com



The bike path is clear and new and has some terrific views of the entire port.

.  There are lots of stops along the way and you can get off the bike path to explore parts of the port that have been abandoned - things like Warehouse No.1 that just beg to be converted to into artists lofts with waterfront views.

And of course there's just the enjoyment of being on the water and taking it in:

If you have kids, all the better.  Here's a place you can take them for the day that's very cheap.  Ride the working trolley car, jump in the Universal City-style water fountain or go to the City of LA run kids aquarium where they can actually touch a starfish in the water.    

Let's hope this stays this way and doesn't go too commercial.  I probably shouldn't even be writing about this one quiet, undervalued place left in LA.  Few people knowing about it means its easy to park for free at the Port of Call for the day and easy to get around once you're there.  It can't last like that.  Most of the restaurants don't have names that end with words "trattoria," "bistro," "ristorante," or  "cucina," - lets just hope it stays that way.  Let's hope it stays that way and only those hip enough to know about Pedro go there

Ally Cat-ing Late-night LA on a Bike

Ally-Cat-ing Late-night LA on a Bike

        by Bernie Dubinsky

             

These mean LA streets are very real to us the late night cycle freaks.  I mean I don't give a hang about rap music, getting some booty or 'throw'en down' in a street altercation with some fellow gang member.  (Christ, don't even know when     I 'm wearing gang colors or flashing gang signs.)       I mean, I'm actually clueless and really from another planet to many of my crew members in the Midnight Ridazz bike hikes I take on 'Taco Tuesday'.  But dig it, I'm into the LA late night street scene.  I'm completly there and present when it comes to GREAT Taco Truck Food, wild dancing in the street to salsa rythems and capturing those wonderful romantic deep-throat kissing scenes that take place along parked cars up and down LA's late nite boulevards. 

The sights and sounds of LA after dark on a bike are more exciting than a spill over a river rapid.  And its free and fairly safe.  You need some street smarts but, speed and agility on a bike can mostly keep you out of trouble.

Street biking changed forever when the subway came in.  Cause LA is so vast, you can’t be a biking purest to really explore it – you have to alternate between a bike and the train to see it all.  Known as ‘alley cat-ing’ to bike messengers  its just makes sense to use the train where possible and jump on a bike when you want to or need to. 

LA's street biking is more thrilling than walking around New York's hip little areas like SoHo.  New York has late nite areas that maybe go for 10 blocks but LA stretches forever into the night.    There are these wonderful flights across rivers and freeways and stuff that would be an insurmountable barrier in any other sane city that wasn't designed for the car.  As LA’s urban infill occurs  - everything from DTLA to S & M feels like the Isle of Manhattan only more exciting 'cause you're going at 30 miles an hour - and not 8.  You glide on flat terrain with bright city lights and streets emptied of auto traffic.    Even without drugs you feel like a junkie roaring into that angry night for a fix.  A fix of LA sights, sounds  and smells on a bike after 9 pm can be very intoxicating. 

Now that the subway actually goes into neighborhoods, I am forever exploring parts of LA that were not easily accessible before.  Boyle Heights for example was over the water and up a big hill.  Skip that hill and pop the Gold Line to Mariachi Plaza and you are instantly transformed to a Plaza Centro that could be found in any Mexican pueblo, but you its in the middle of Los Angeles.  Street food, old musicians in traditional garb all surrounded by young guys hanging out in baggy cargo shorts and wonderfully exotic Latina women covered in tats with lots painted black fingernails.  Don’t forget those unbelievable piercings and round ear lobe expanders that every taco truck stevedore seems to have.  And you’re there in an instant ‘cause of the subway.  This is a great starting point for an urban bike hike.

So I head out 1^st  street to find my favorite food, el pastor tacos at King Tacos – a local LA chain that offers tacos on those smaller tortillas that serious aficionados look for; fried just right in grill grease to just about crispy and covered with the best salsa with flavored pinto bean on the side. Before eating I swing by the East Los Angeles County Park at the Civic Center that’s  3 minutes away to feed the ducks.   Its  mid-night when I pull in and the 24 hour King Taco on East 3^rd Street just on the other side of the 710 Freeway.  The place  is rocking with all sort of hungry people looking for late nite nourishment.   I’m starved from the 5 mile bike ride – all paralleling  the train – and order up one of everything.   Folks are friendly and I’ve talked to 6 or 7 different families, couples, truckers and people curious about some old white guy on a bike covered with decals.

Time to go home to West LA.  Hop the train at the Maravilla Station across the street and figure I’ll nap on the way to Union Station ( securing my bike first, of course).  The Expo Line drops me off just in time to witness the dating scene in upscale Culver City as the bars start to close.  Lots of gussied up millennials dowsed in liquor and dressed up for Saturday night.  

Heading west on the Venice Blvd. bikeway and thinking of greeting the dawn at Santa Monica – way different world in the same city.  And that’s what LA’s late night scene is all about – lots of contrast and different realities but all under the same cool evening breezes on empty, flat streets that stretch east from the ocean.  The train will eventually go to the ocean, but on a bike, late at night, you wanna ride and experience it.